June is a month of reckoning in the lives of most... either it is the annual reminder that tax accountants are real people who you should listen to, or, proof that your New Year’s resolutions are fictitious and you have really achieved nothing in a substantial part of the year.
There are some things that you can be sure of though: Winter is here and Tanunda is coming!
Given the Medieval Tanunda theme and the despair inflicting those who are passionate about a particular fantasy TV series, hereth be the mid-season report for the Winterfell Eleven (AUBC Division 2 Men)
An attempt has been made to incorporate as many Game of Thrones spoilers as possible throughout this piece of captivating story telling - but who would really care? – amateur basketball life is more thrilling than the vendetta of some dragon-birthing-floozy.
The story so far...
Summer 2018/19 brought the knighthood of Sir Jayden Heffernan which added much needed long range weaponry to the Winterfell armoury and Sir Henry Doyle showed his knees were more Valyrian steel than Dragon Glass, as was previously surmised.
With these reinforcements, the Winterfell Eleven saw a number of glorious battles which included victories coming even north of the wall (Hillcrest).
At completion of the summer battles The Eleven held a season record to 6 victories and 7 tactical retreats...however... a new evil was rising from the forest(ville). In the final game of the season the Winterfell Eleven saw the eyes of a new night king... one who cannot be defeated by dragon fire and who has a real dislike for young men in wooden wheelchairs. The Eleven were able to defeat Forestville and their ‘army of the dead Premier league careers’ in their first battle of Pasadena, however, the challenge was sure to grow as we prepared for the long night (winter season 2019).
Other Houses sensed the start of the long night and retreated from their strongholds.
Winter (2019) is coming....
The fast paced manoeuvre warfare practised by the Winterfell Eleven is a (House) stark contrast to the traits of their foes. As The Eleven's cohesion improved so did both their defensive and offensive capabilities.
An important factor in the success of The Eleven's game plan is offensive kills. The Eleven are undefeated in battle when their head count is greater than 44.
Clearly The Eleven are most effective with the use of diversions (ball movement) which encourages a distribution of knights with high kill counts. 5 knights are averaging 10+ kills per battle and 6 Knights have taken 15+ scalps in single encounter.
The Knights of Winterfell do not have a legitimate champion (center). Although undersized, effective fortifications (team rebounding) mean that the Knights rarely fall behind in this key battle statistic.
Winter is here ...
After 12 winter battles, the Winterfell Eleven stand at 8 victories and 4 defeats. The advanced statistics show 666 kills for, to only 573 against, giving the knights a body count percentage of 1.162.
Significant improvements in form and the use of integrated warfare (inside and outside game) has separated The Eleven from the majority of their opposition, the three other houses competing in the game of thrones are as follows:
Spring Season Predictions
The Winterfell Eleven:
Sir Scott Chislet (Jorah Mormont)
- Loyal to the Queen (Club)
- Effective against bigger opponents
- Gets the job done in all scenarios
- Played 11, Won 7, Ave margin +6.5pts, 4.7 ppg
Sir Henry Doyle (Tormund Giantsbane)
- Wants to get down and dirty with the big people
- Played 5, Won 3, Ave margin +10.4pts, 4.0 ppg
Sir Jayden Heffernan (Beric Dondarrion)
- His sword (shooting) catches fire during battle
- Now is a devout follower of the lord of light (Adelaide Uni Basketball Club)
- Cannot die
- Played 7, Won 6, Ave margin +12.1pts, 10.3 ppg
Sir Chris McMichael (Samwell Tarly)
- Started the winter well by killing a white walker (UniSA)
- Has seen a significant lack of battle productivity since
- Seems to be more interested in telling stories than getting his hands dirty
- Played 9, Won 7, Ave margin +11.3pts, 12.3 ppg
Sir Richard Medhurst (Cersei Lanniser)
- Allows others to do his killing
- Expert battle tactician
- Exploits opposition weaknesses and controls his army like any good warlord (point guard)
- Played 6, Won 4, Ave margin +3.8pts, 0.5 ppg
Sir Scott Stanton (Arya Stark)
- Stone.Cold.Killer (from the elbow and short corner)
- Loves winter (EOFY) battles
- Played 9, Won 6, Ave margin +7.8pts, 7.8 ppg
Sir Elliot Richardson (John Snow)
- Is king of the wildings at the completion of season 8 (not a joke - just a spoiler)
- Makes everything he does look good
- Has been brought back from the dead (Div5 men and Youth League)
- Is the true heir to the Targaryen (mid-range-jump-shooter) Throne
- Played 7, Won 4, Ave margin +7.7pts, 12.0 ppg
Sir Michael Priest (Davos Seaworth)
- Seen it all
- Done it all
- Heaps good at smuggling (points into his stats column)
- Played 10, Won 7, Ave margin +5.8pts, 5.3 ppg
Sir Jared Vandersluys (Sir Jamie Lannister)
- Seems to avoid the majority of battles (#working)
- Once engaged in a conflict, manages to inflict significant kills
- Has shown loyalty to Sir Brienne of Tarth through extra-curricular activities (SPOC Basketball)
- No right hand
- Played 5, Won 2, Ave margin +3.0pts, 9.0 ppg
Sir Oliver Sainsbury (Sir Brienne of Tarth)
- Can’t dunk but has great fundamentals
- Undead killing (rebounding) machine
- Hopefully is not forced into a life of (defensive basket) protective services (by the Div1s)
- Played 6, Won 4, Ave margin +9.7pts, 11.6 ppg
Sir Alex Zhang (Bronn)
- Whatever the Lannisers (Div1s) are paying we will pay double.
- Killer at close-range
- Killer at mid-range
- Killer at long-range
- Loves a 3 on 1 situation
- Played 9, Won 7, Ave margin +8.2pts, 11.1ppg
By Chris McMichael